Your weekly slice of island life.

Hello Key Biscayne!

I’m not sure about you but I’m happy Ultra is finally here, just so we don’t have to talk about it anymore. I think I’ve received 8 e-mails per hour from the Village telling me to download Waze (pro-tip: most map apps will show you the traffic). Whatever happens, let’s keep our heads on. It’s just a little traffic.

That said, so long suckers!

fleeing key biscayne Me riding off the island and into the sunset 😎

Ultra Survival Roundup

Time and again It’s going to be hard to avoid the traffic, but you can try. The festival goes from 2:00 PM to 2:00 AM, Friday through Sunday. The main acts all go on at night. That means the best times to come on and off the island are:

4:00 AM - Noon

4:30 PM - 5:30 PM

10:00 PM - 11:30 PM

Cone of uncertainty The Village is treating the event as if a cat-5 hurricane were about to make landfall, complete with helicopters on-call for emergencies and school closures. They haven’t asked residents to stock up on beans and water just yet, but you can never be too prepared. (Key News)

Marketing opportunity It’s good business to take advantage of a crummy situation, and that’s exactly what the Chamber of Commerce is doing. “Keep it on the Key,” is the slogan for their campaign to encourage residents to stay and shop on the island this weekend. (KB Chamber)

Salt in the wound Even the Herald is getting in on the action. They have a satirical article talking about how smoothly Ultra will go. (Miami Herald)

Said and done The Village has an official survival guide, but I’ve basically just summed it up for you. (VKB)

In other news

Busted One of the best sections in The Islander News is making a comeback. Police reports were a staple of the local paper until it changed ownership a few years ago. The previous editor had mentioned they didn’t have the resources to keep compiling the reports. That’s all about to change.

Don’t worry about being exposed for your life of crime, though; they usually redact the names 😉🚔 (Islander News)

Tidal surge If you’re a member of the Beach Club, you might want to get your head out of the sand. Maybe you've already noticed that event and membership fees have gone up. According to a letter sent by a member of the board last week, 40 members did not pay their dues last year, and the club is taking in too little to keep up with regular maintenance. (Pastebin)

Where there's smoke Did you manage to catch that caravan of fire trucks heading down Harbor last week? They were responding to a fire at a house on Mashta Island. Luckily no one was hurt, but the damage was valued at $20,000. (Key News)

Calendar

Around Town

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Good luck out there this weekend!

Wait, hold on

We put up with 30 years of tennis traffic when we could've had one of these‽

Pedestrian Bridge

Buy me a coffeeBuy me a coffee

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