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Your weekly slice of island life.


Hello Key Biscayne!

This week’s hot, steaming topic, if there is one, is the contamination in the beaches at Crandon Park. It’s actually surprising that it hasn’t happened more times this summer. The exact causes are hard to pinpoint, but a combination of festering seaweed, storm water runoff, hot weather, and still water seems to correlate to nasty beaches.

There was also a story of a diver bit by a shark, reported to be on the Key. Later it was revealed it happened way out in the bay so we don’t need to care anymore.


Items of note

Howdy-ho, neighborino Buried at the end of the latest Islander police blotter is a little incident of some friendly neighbors on Mashta. Well, they used to be friendly. One of them went to the other’s house and started knocking on the door with a hammer, and the neighbor responded in-kind by answering the door with a gun. After a third person called the police, the neighbors decided maybe it wasn’t a good day to die, and that was that. 🔨

(Islander News)

Aquadookie High levels of bacteria were found in water samples at the beaches in Crandon Park over the past week, to the point where the Florida Dept. of Health issued a warning to stay out of the water. Samples at the Beach Club and Bill Baggs came back relatively clean, so feel free to gargle the water. 🌊

(Key News)

From the peanut gallery

In last week’s issue, we asked if you would go back to the Oasis if the coffee window came back.

“New oasis still has the location, so as long as they have a ground level place to get coffee and chill, I’ll be there occasionally. Doubly so if they have a nice deuce dorm back there for my coffee shits. Preferably more than one so I don’t have to feel rushed.”



Around Town

Last Week's Sales

Location SQFT Rooms Prev Price
160 Buttonwood 2440 4/3.5 '09 $1m $2m
265 W Enid 3443 6/5 '10 $1.875 $2.158m

The happy ending

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Questions, comments, tips, or to bring a hammer to a gun fight 🔫, write to

If you’ve got no open wounds and the water looks nice I say swim in it. 🏊‍♀️

See you next week.

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