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Your weekly slice of island life.


Hello Key Biscayne!

As predicted* here in this lowly publication, we didn’t get hit by the storm. Our island neighbors to the east didn’t fare well, though. Various key rat organizations have mobilized to send aid to the Bahamas, and they’ve made it very easy for us to contribute.

Both the Crossbridge Church (Presbytarian) and the Square #38 have designated drop-offs for goods, meaning you don’t need to leave the island to make a difference. Monetary donations are also accepted, as those demolished houses aren’t going to build themselves on cans of beans.

Here’s some more information if you’re so inclined. Now to the Rag.

Local Recap

Code green A guy trying to hunt down iguanas in his yard with a pellet gun (wonder where got that idea) caused a county-level crisis when someone called the cops to report a man with a rifle near Key Biscayne Community School.

The KBPD responded as they would when they hear ‘school’ and ‘gun’: a school lockdown, and a full active shooter response which included MDPD units and a helicopter overhead. The truth of the matter quickly came out, and the man was apprehended, but not before he hid in his house out of fear and embarrassment. 🦎

(Key News)

Fear of a black island Over the past few years, there’s been a string of car thefts on the Key. The formula is similar in all incidents: group comes to the island in a car and they make off with a luxury car or two, or in some cases just steal the wheels. Last week it happened again on Mashta, the license plate reader didn’t work, the thieves made off with someone’s car (the key may have been inside according to one source, though many keyless cars are vulnerable to theft), and then the guys were caught later in Ft. Lauderdale.

What happened next was curious, to say the least. The victim went to a council meeting upset about the policing, and spoke about the ‘colored’ guys driving around. Then Councilmember Lauredo called on Chief Press to engage in high-speed chases, and to start profiling and let the courts decide. Funnily enough, none of these concerns ever came up when the car thieves weren’t black. 🤷🏾‍♀️

(Key News)

Bean counting To explain proposed government budgets is a bit beyond the density of this digital fish wrapper, but if you’re the type to be concerned about those matters, it’s time to start paying attention. The next budget meeting is next Tuesday, September 10th.

(Village of KB)


Around Town

Last Week's Sales

Location SQFT Rooms Prev Price
OC Club Tower III 2100 2/2.5 '99 $840k $1.875m
Casa del Mar 10E 1875 2/2 '16 $1.2m $1.425m

No more, no less

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Read past issues in the archive.

Questions, comments, tips, or to play some bones 🁺 🀽, write to

Enjoy the rest of the short week.



*If the prediction had been wrong, you would have never heard about it again 😉

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