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Your weekly slice of island life.


Hello Key Biscayne!

A lot of drama at the council meeting this week with the profiling talk and such, but let’s not get caught up in that because we’ve beat it to death here. Instead, let’s reminisce about Sunday and what a nice beach day it was, even if there was still a bit o’ seaweed in the water.

Key Biscayne BeachThe new 'perfect beach day' comes with seaweed.

On to the stories.

Learn somethin'

Berry grab Last Thursday, something happened at Bill Baggs Park that had MDPD and KBPD racing down Crandon. Park police called for backup when two people they tried to detain tried to flee. Where they breaking into cars, as was rumored? No, they were picking palmetto berries.

The berries, which go for about $3/lbs., are thought to be good to help guys with certain things that can’t be written here or else this email will end up in your spam folder. Anywho, the guys were caught so you’ll have to go back to using VHS head cleaner. 🍆

(Key News)

Bahamas connect The Auguste family, hailing from Treasure Cay, has been welcomed to stay on the Key by a generous key rat who agreed to give up her home. Erick Auguste lost his home, his arm, and his mother to Hurricane Dorian. Thanks to support from the community, the family has a place to stay and the kids are already attending school. Now, could someone warn them not to drive around together at night? 😜

(Islander News)

Did you just assume my species? You see those crocodiles off the beach last week? No, you didn’t, because they were manatees. This didn’t stop the chats, the press, and the Village from erroneously issuing warnings about crocodiles. Still, some say it’s better to be wrong and safe, than sorry, so watch out for that giant python at the library. 🐍


Let me count the ways

You guys been doing your Village budget homework? Again, budget talk is a bit too cerebral for the Rag, but there is one issue to mention: talk of hiring a resilience manager. Is that the best way forward? That’s for them to debate, and for others to write about.

No, the thing to note is that anecdotally and even institutionally, it seems that anyone looking to invest in real estate or bonds around here is looking at how prepared a home or area is to handle flooding. There’s some weariness out there to make a long term investment in anything that may possibly be under water in the future, or places not prepared to handle storms.

It only seems like common sense that the Key needs to at the very least project some kind of image of being prepared. How we get there is up to the council (and you, if you do your homework and go to the meetings.)

Next and final meeting is September 24th.


Around Town

Last Week's Sales

Location SQFT Rooms Prev Price
KC IV 231 1790 2/2 '07 $640k $607k
320 Woodcrest 3737 6/5.5 '11 $925k $3.08m
OC Lake Villa I 301 2667 3/3 '02 $606k $1.47m

From the long walks on the beach dept.

Imagine walking down the beach close to midnight last week and spotting this dreadful thing, in the dark.

Effigy on the Key Biscayne beachDead turtle? Dead person? Santeria stuff?

What could it be? Reply to this email and send your guesses.

Fin fin, vin vin 🍷

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Questions, comments, tips, or to lather berry paste on each other 🍈, write to

Tune in next week when we get upset about the Winn Dixie changing the aisles around. 👋

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