2020-04-02
Hello Key Biscayne!
Weâre starting week three of our new reality here on the island, living with Tom Hanks disease, and the novelty seems to be wearing off. On the plus side, the curve on the spread of wackjob advice seems to be flattening out, but at the same time, so has the humor in virus-related memes. I think weâve all seen everything thatâs possible to do on a balcony, and yet this thing has barely started.
This was going to be a nice picture of somewhere on the Key, but it'd be irresponsible to tempt you to leave the house.
Weâre in for the long haul, though, so letâs get settled in. đ
Tired of covid news
Survey says If you had the ârona would you like to know it? By filling out this survey you could get us testing services on the island. Will testing make us panic more, or less? Only one way to find out!
(KBCF)
Déjà vu The real lockdown is coming tonight, or is it? Florida governor Ron DeSantis issued a stay-home order yesterday, which starts tonight at midnight.
What does that mean for us? Well, the exact wording hasnât been posted yet, but itâs based on the rules that we in Dade County have already had in place for over a week. Thereâs still parts of Florida where the beaches, parks, gyms, etc. are still open. Really, itâs not that we have to lock down more, itâs that those parts have to get on our level. đđ
Sober stats As of yesterday afternoon, weâve got 22 reported cases on the Key. Thatâs up from 8 in the last issue. The Dade County total is at 1,371, compared to 491 last week.
Correction 10:30am – Dade County: 2,380.
Not the virus
First time on video The Village is preparing to have its first council meeting since this whole thing started, and theyâre going to be doing it from home via videoconference. The meeting agenda isnât anything to mention, but hey, thereâs always a chance someone will accidentally show up in their underwear. đ
Stanky shoe Voodoo
Those of you who live in houses may not have seen this one yet, but if you live in a condo itâs been hard to miss: the shoes littered outside the door. Finding a santeria sacrifice in the corner of a parking lot isnât as common on the island as it was a few years back, but apparently BabalĂș has sent the message out that the ârona is stuck to the bottom of your shoe.
Itâs not that the virus canât be on your shoe, itâs that it could be on any of your clothes. Sadly, no one’s disrobing at the door. It’s just the shoe pile.
Not what you had in mind when your neighbor told you about their sneaker collection.
If this is you, you might say, âiTs bEttEr to bE sAfe tHan soRRy,â and, âiN jaPaN tHey aLWayS tAke tHEir shOEs oFF.â Have you been to Japan? You think theyâre walking by nasty piles of shoes at every door? And if your shoes are as contaminated as you think they are, youâre gonna leave âem out to expose all your neighbors? Come on, spray some Lysol on âem and put those filthy things inside. đ„Ÿ
Missed connections
Distant jogger
To the tall, blonde, fit, shirtless man in black shorts that ran past me on Monday around noon on harbor drive…
I should have waved back or turned around and said something, but with social distancing mentions everywhere, it didnât even cross my mind until I got home and regretted it…
If you remember a woman, dressed in black, with an orange hat, letâs grab a virtual drink!
Friendly neighbor
You play âWe Are the Worldâ every Friday around happy hour on your townhouse terrace. At first I thought it was cheesy, but then it grew on me. I dance on my balcony and wave each time watching as others do the same. Letâs all have a beer once all of this is over. From your Tidemark neighbor.
If you recognize yourself in either of these descriptions, The Rag can link you up with the authors. To publish your own missed connection, or to reply to these, write to hi@tropicalrag.com.
Calendar
Got plans for NYE?
Last Week's Sales
Location | SQFT | Rooms | Prev | Price |
---|---|---|---|---|
OC LV III 511 | 3420 | 4/4.5 | '10 $1.85m | $2.25m |
OC OT II 1106 | 3084 | 3/4.5 | '15 $3.53m | $3.2m |
103 Reef Ln | 5187 | 7/5.5 | '17 $5.1m | $4.79m |
15 Harbor Pt | 7445 | 7/8.5 | '05 $7.95m | $8.55m |
301 Sunrise 4AW | 1140 | 2/2 | '12 $305k | $385k |
Neverending story
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