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Your weekly slice of island life.


Hello Key Biscayne!

This week we heard about a potential armed robbery on the Key, with a fugitive and all (spoiler: not quite). Normally, this would be a cause for concern, but for a moment, it was so refreshing to hear we could be killed by something other than this virus. 😵

Also, the council finally had a chance to meet via video for the first time since this all began.

Key Biscayne Village Council videoconference April 2020The new Hollywood Squares reboot is a real knee-slapper.

Let’s get on with it.

Life goes on dept.

Holup On Sunday, there was a bit of chatter about an alleged hold up of the Shell gas station, and one of the guys getting away. As usual, it turns out those first reports were wrong, but it was close.

The license plate reader at the entrance to the Village spotted their stolen car when they entered, notified the police, and they promptly pulled them over. There was a gun found in the car, and one of the guys took off running. All three were eventually arrested and we all went back to talking about the virus. 🔫

(This newsletter)

Isn’t it ironic What’s worse than rain on your wedding day? Having your would-be spouse cheat on you with your best friend and finding out at the wedding. But what’s a little less worse than that? Having your wedding day fall last weekend.

That’s what happened to this KB couple, who then did the only thing they could and invited all their friends into a video chat. They’ve tentatively rescheduled for December, as they’re young and very optimistic. 👰


Virus & Co.

To the point There’s a good summary of what happened at the council meetings in the Islander, but here’s an even better one: the KBFD rolled out a mobile testing center, but then one of them got a fever so they had to temporarily halt the testing.

Construction was banned at multi-family homes and restricted at single-family homes following CDC guidelines.

Finally, Councilmember London’s dog barked a lot, and Councilmember Lauredo coughed a lot.😷

(Islander News)

Can’t see me Good news: there’s no need to shave your unsightly mustache or remove that festering blackhead by your lip for the foreseeable future.

Following other cities in the county, starting Monday, April 13th, you’ll be required to cover your face when inside any open business on the Key.

(Mayor Davey)

Get out of jail free card There may be a way to be immune to the ‘rona: all you have to do is get it, beat it, and hope that you can’t get it again. Also, you have to assume the virus won’t mutate into something else.

Once you’ve checked all those boxes, you’ll want some confirmation. Ethos Pharmacy in the Square is offering a test for $64 which will tell you if you have the antibodies in your system that would be present if you already had the virus. Bonus: your friends can stop hearing about how you’re so sure you already had it. 🤞

(Ethos Pharmacy)

Statistically speaking Last week we had 22 confirmed cases on the Key, now we have 46. Dade County was at 2,380, now it’s at 5,412. 📊


Correction: Last week’s issue stated the Dade County confirmed total at 1,371. This was the City of Miami total. The total last week was 2,380.

Your moment of zen Some little punk kid joined the Village’s meeting on Zoom and managed to say something stupid. It wasn’t quite on the level of a good CSPAN caller, but it’s a welcome laugh. 🍆

(Village KB)

From the peanut gallery

I would love to see a good news or good neighbors section in your newsletter [Ed. note: unlikely 😏]. I would like to start you up with 2 stories of my own:

1. My sister is an ENT surgeon in Boca Raton. She was down to her last ENT mask. I heard that Ethos Pharmacy was getting some so I put them in touch with my sister. They passed the information of their provider straight to my sister’s practice as the prices were so inflated and Ethos did not want to make a profit of off desperate doctors.

2. I could not reach my kid’s dentist so in desperation I called Dr. Molinari from KB Smiles dental practice. She answered immediately and had me send her pictures of the problem so they could help me even though we have never been to her practice.

We really do have some amazing businesses on the Key that are stepping up in a big way. I for one am thankful.



Maybe next time

Last Week's Sales

Location SQFT Rooms Prev Price
OC CT I 305 2100 2/2.5 '03 $669k $1.18m

Your covid bodega

Like a convenient corner store, this section will repeat in every issue to remind you of some available services during the pandemic.

Got the munchies There are a lot more restaurants on the island than you might remember in your head when you’re thinking about what to eat. Thanks to this pandemic, most of them deliver and all are doing takeout. Here’s a list of everything you can eat.

(KB restaurant list)

Never leave the couch There’s great resources on the island in case you want help running errands, or know someone who does. You can also volunteer to run errands, in case you’ve got the cabin fever.

(KB pandemic resources)

Feeling it yet? If you’ve got symptoms or are considering getting tested, you can take this survey provided by the KBCF and the Village. If warranted, you may get a call and an appointment to get tested right here on the Key.

(KBCF covid-19 survey)

End of the line

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