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Your weekly slice of island life.


Hello Key Biscayne!

The masks are out, things are getting shut down again, and no one seems to have a care in the world. Even as more people are getting the virus, apparently including a lot of kids on the island, it feels like the cats out of the bag and we’re not going back. Here’s hoping we’re judging this right. 🤞

Key Biscayne beach June 2020Use it before you lose it.

Enough doom and gloom, we’ve got a holiday weekend coming up. But first…

Some news

Virus, shmirus Three weeks ago we had four more positive results. Last week we had ten. This week we had ten more again. That’s kind of good, right? Week over week it’s the same rate of new positives, but the stats don’t tell us much more.


Ruined it for all of us Here’s an idea, let’s all lie on the form for coronavirus testing on the Key so that we can get a free test when we don’t really need it. That way we can go to the Bahamas for 4th of July like the traitors we are.

Apparently, that’s what a bunch of people did. People lied about their ages, people lied about their symptoms, and people showed up with more than one person to take the test. All that overloaded the free testing, and so now the tests are $85. 🙃

(KB Covid Testing)

No fun allowed Did you have big plans for the 4th of July weekend? Ironically, you’re best off leaving the country this year because we had to shut everything down.

About a month ago they canceled the fireworks show. Ok, we could live with that. Then on Friday the mayor of Dade County canceled all parades and closed the beaches for the weekend. Alright, it’s only been 60 years of consecutive parades but at least we can start the day with the jets overhead, right? No, sorry, the Air Force called yesterday and said they’re out; they’re going to the Bahamas. 🇧🇸


Gib monies A couple of months ago we looked to Tallahassee to see if they could chip in to help us pay for our seaweed cleanup. It made it into the budget, got to the governor’s desk, and he promptly crossed it out and said, “maybe next year.”

It wasn’t personal; the governor vetoed about $1b in spending. We already pay for our own seaweed cleanup, we just wanted a little piece of that Tally pie. 🤑

(FL Senate)

Required* As reported last week, it’s now official: you now have to wear a mask anywhere in public. And not just on the Key, but anywhere in Miami-Dade. You wouldn’t know it because no one is actually doing it and the cops aren’t really enforcing it, but hey, it’s the thought that counts. 😷

(Miami Herald)

Put it on the credit card This is the big one. It’s so big that you should probably inform yourself about it somewhere more reputable than in this shoddy newsletter.

The council voted 5-2 on Tuesday to put a $100m bond on the ballot in November. Voters will get to choose whether to allow the Village to take on this debt, which would be used for resilience projects to mitigate flooding and the effects of sea level rise. 🌊

(Village KB)

From the peanut gallery

On the final nail in the coffin for the Oasis:

Sad news about the Oasis. As you said, it hadn’t been itself for awhile now. You mention those old men who have worked there since the beginning, and how it’s likely we will never see them again. It’s crazy how these guys who served us for so long will just not be there one day. Someone will get the last coffee they ever poured without so much as a thought about the significance of the event. Maybe Oasis is sending them off with a bang? Maybe it should fall on the chamber of commerce to honor them in some way?

I remember the review from the Miami Herald that they had pinned up somewhere in the old building, sorta…”a pint-sized outpost with pleasant counter service and a bustling coffee window, this “quaint”…” I forgot the rest. Oasis, rest in papas fritas!


“A better cup at Starbucks”? You crazy!



Around Town

Last Week's Sales

Location SQFT Rooms Prev Price
KC IV 280 1820 3/3 '16 $820k $895k
441 Island Dr 7698 7/8.5 '01 $1.15m $5.35m

Your covid bodega

Like a convenient corner store, this section repeats in every issue to remind you of some available services during the pandemic.

Never leave the couch There’s great resources on the island in case you want help running errands, or know someone who does. You can also volunteer to run errands, in case you’ve got the cabin fever.

(KB pandemic resources)

Feeling it yet? If you’ve got symptoms or are considering getting tested, you can take this survey provided by the KBCF and the Village. If warranted, you may get a call and an appointment to get tested right here on the Key.

(KB Covid-19 Testing)

Bon voyage

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Make the best of it and have a happy 4th!

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