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Your weekly slice of island life.


Hello Key Biscayne!

It’s the Thursday before the Thursday before Xmas, and given the way things have panned out this year it seems appropriate to start your holiday now; pull a work-from-home on your work-from-home job, if you will.

Key Biscayne menorah December 2020The change from dinky lights to real fire has made KB Hanukkah metal af. 🤘

The Rag started the holiday break sometime in early February.

Yuletide tidbits

Spark it up Santa showed up the Key about a week and a half ago to light up the tree. In typical Santa fashion he did it in secret but they caught him on tape. A few people were lucky enough to have been in the vicinity to catch it live, but you can watch it on YouTube. 🎅🏻

(Village KB)

Shackin’ up The Key now has a free covid testing site six days a week at the Village Green. The site is privately run, and located by the bathrooms in a little shack. They’re accepting walk-ups and appointments (tip: you don’t need to allow access to your location to schedule), but since it opens today there’s no telling what the demand will be.

The availability of testing should go a long way in helping reduce the spread by those that put off getting tested out of convenience. The Rag would like to think it had some kind of influence in making this happen, but that would be a lie. 🧬


From the peanut gallery

On the rant about the island covid response:

Isn’t it time we have a free testing site here on the Key? Surely with all our resources the Village can offer that.
Being able to find out if you’re infected will help decrease the spread and keep infected people quarantined.


On the new sidewalks being installed:

Heard the sidewalk is not the correct color of all our sidewalks in the village. They will have to redo 🙈. We know our money is paying for it but who is in charge here?


On people having their cars stolen after leaving the keys inside:

[…] And I’m sorry, it raises crime on the island and creates more issues for police and what not, but if you leave your car open with the keys inside and it gets stolen, it’s on you. Fuck you for whining that your car got stolen, it’s your own damn fault and you deserved it…unless it was all an insurance scam, then you’re just a dick.



Around Town

  • Today 12/17
  • 🕯 Kick the tires and light nine fires (Bill Baggs)
  • 🎹 It was live last week but you can watch a video (Online)
  • Monday 12/21
  • 🏈 Dump your kids for the week and enjoy yourself (Village Green)
  • 🌌 The stars align, except it's planets (Night sky)

Last week's sales

Location SQFT Rooms Prev Price
GB Res 909 3480 3/4.5 '10 $2.45m $2.9m
KC IV 353 1720 2/2 '89 $225k $605k
370 Harbor Ln 3339 5/3 '07 $1.526m $2m
245 Buttonwood EMPTY LOT '18 $1.42m $1.35m
425 Grapetree 213 1403 2/3 '97 $242k $800k
CC West 909 1260 2/2 '73 $80k $725k
Sands 5C 1496 2/2 '93 $300k $1.09m

One more thing

Key Biscayne flag football December 2020It's all about teaching kids to show off.

Last week the KB flag football superbowls were held (one for each age group). This KB sport goes back a long way. It’s a great place to see grown men get really riled up about something that the players don’t understand. Here are the final standings:

College Division
1. Miami
5.Kansas State

Pro Division

The youngest division didn’t have an official ranking. Miami Hurricanes beat the Oregon Ducks for the college division (mid-level). In the pros (oldest group) the Seahawks beat the Gators. It was the first time the Gators, led by Paul “Beaches and Peaches” Zuccarini and Will “Loyal Reader” Earle, lose a final in five years.

No idea why they name the teams as they do. Would be much cooler if they had island names.

Little known fact: your lowly editor won the flag football superbowl every single year he played warmed the bench.

If you want your kids to play some football next week, they’re running a camp starting Monday.

Time to retire

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Read past issues in the archive.

Questions, comments, tips, or to catch covid in the bathroom at the VG and then get conveniently tested for it right outside 🕳, write to

Next week: the year in review. See you then!

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