2021-03-11

Hello Key Biscayne!

Someone saw a croc so we don’t need to say more here.

Racoon empanadas up next week.

Here’s the full video for you (via JP).

For those of you new here, we still get surprised by crocs when we see them but we don’t really worry. Let’s goooo.

Step right up Word around the island is that vaccines are up for grabs by whoever truly wants one. While technically the vaccine is available for those 65 and older (60 and older next week) and those who are in an extra risk category, anecdotal evidence suggests most vaccination sites will take your word for it that you’re at extra risk, regardless of your age. Your mileage may vary on this but if you’re so keen to get the vaccine, maybe you deserve it. 🦠

(Miami Herald)

Subsystem Whatever you do in your 3000-person house, it’s up to you, but once it starts spilling over onto our whole island then it becomes everyone’s problem.

The bigger condos have some political things going on, and you should probably only care because certain players have larger, key-wide ambitions, but if you’re into it you can find out what happened by following the link.

(KB Independent)

Contrary to what you might think, there’s still many people who walk around this island not just to pretend to be fit, but to get where they’re going. On the west side of the island it’s pretty straightforward. There’s a lot of roads to go from one place to another, and there’s access behind all the shopping malls from Fernwood if that’s where you need to go.

On the east side it’s a bit different because of the way certain properties block you from going where you want to go; you end up having to head to Crandon to traverse the island–or do you?

There’s a gate on Galen Drive that gives access to the Ritz Carlton/Grand Bay. You didn’t know about that? It had been open for as long as anyone can remember, but over the past six months it was closed with a bike lock. Ten feet from that now closed gate is a short wall with tons of shoe marks.

The people are clamoring for $20 cocktails.

Now take for example someone who lives at Key Colony, who visits a friend in a building on adjacent Ocean Lane. Technically, they have to walk 15mins out of Key Colony, onto Crandon, and back down Ocean Lane Drive to get to a place that is actually only 3mins away in a straight shot, if not for a fence.

Some of these adventurous avenues may be more suited to the young and able (as opposed to the old and too embarrassed), and some are easier to pass in one direction as opposed to the other. Sometimes it’s just easier to head to the beach and make your walk through the sand. What’s notable is that key rats end up in the easiest path, even while it’s hidden from view, and you can see it because the bushes may have been pushed aside in that spot, the fence sags more than in other places, or there are shoe marks on the wall.

Somewhere along the line someone blew it.

Originally this screed was going to list how to go from Ocean Lane to the Towers via these uncommon routes, but some curmudgeon would probably make it their business to ruin it; the cuts have been there for at least twenty years and they haven’t bothered anybody.

It would be nice if there were easier access across all different properties, but you’re not going to hear anyone yell, “Mr. Mayor, tear down this wall!” anytime soon. For one, it’s not really the Village who would make that decision, and for two, there’s no real interest beyond the few kooks who walk.

That said, if you’re in a pinch and have the time to search for the fastest, easiest way, you’ll find you’re in good company. 🚶‍♀️

On our traffic woes:

In my travels around this country and abroad, I have seen children walking to and from school. How come our children have to be driven to school. They are not capable of a good morning walk? There are crossing guards available in this town, why not use them. A good morning walk is good for the body and for the mind.

-ELR

On the ongoing crackdown:

So I understand that the village felt that they needed to crackdown on some kids (God forbid teenagers behave like teenagers), but at what point does the excess of police cars in your field of view start to affect your sense of liberty in your neighborhood?

The exaggerated number of cops on my drives to and from the Key, not to mention just hanging around the island, are starting to make me feel constricted and constantly on edge.

It’s as if we’re being watched all the time—like we behaved badly and now we’re being punished. We’re kids who are grounded right now.

Oh, and they’re taking up the parking spots at our luxurious strip malls. 😆

-AS

On great response times and getting old:

Not sure if I am misinterpreting the picture or/and I am really getting old, but am I the only one who thinks we hear sirens way too often and that they are often unnecessarily loud? Feel like I’m in NYC sometimes. Obviously some emergencies call for the sirens to clear the way, etc. And I do realize we live very near the fire station. And, yes, I am getting old and cranky. But I wonder if there are options.

-LW

Ed note: we’re definitely getting old. Soon we’ll notice every plane going over.

Seen in an NYT article about taxes that had nothing to do with the Key:

We're now the de facto, “I’m a stinking rich New Yorker,” spot. Can’t wait for our lives to get better.

Did you like this? If you did, please forward it to your friends and tell them to subscribe at The Tropical Rag.

Read past issues in the archive.

Questions, comments, tips, or to go hiking eastside 🧗‍♀️, write to hi@tropicalrag.com.

The Tropical Rag goes out every Thursday and has all you need to know about the going-ons of Key Biscayne. Sign up below and never miss an issue.

We don't sell your email to anyone. Read our privacy policy.