2021-12-02
Hello Key Biscayne!
If you got stuck in that mess on Tuesday here’s what happened: a truck broke down on Crandon, and they couldn’t move it. Then a bus broke down. All the while, a lane was partially closed by guys putting up xmas lights. That’s why the island was gridlocked for about four hours (Thanks, L!).
The smart people take the side streets. 🧠
Also, the fire-est Christmas trees on the Key are on sale already at the Community Church. Heard they’re hydroponic this year so don’t wait if you want a fat one. 🎄
Grasping at straws
Homey don’t play If you like to peruse the home sales at the bottom of this newsletter you’ll have noticed that over the past year it’s been insane. More than 20 sales a week was common for the first half of the year, and the closing prices were through the roof. Now we’ve got some hard numbers to back up what we already know.
Year over year, house prices on the Key are up 25% and apartments are up 16%. Even worse are rental prices, which in South Florida as a whole are up a whopping 36%, the highest in the nation. You know what’s not up 36%? Your income. 💰
boo, u up? The principal at MAST Academy received some threatening messages this week, and MDPD is investigating. While the contents of the threats weren’t released, you can tell they weren’t too worrying when the principal sent a message to parents basically saying, “can you tell your damn kids to stop fuckin’ around?”
From the peanut gallery
Tips on where to get booze if you’re not quite of age:
I know on good authority that the only gas station that sells alcoholic beverages does not and will not (or should not) sell beer or wine (booze is only sold at the packy) to underage youth. They get it at the convenience store with the numbers. That’s certainly where I got it back in the day So please correct that comment made re: park.
Please and thank you and I sign this as “anonymous” because I don’t want my mom taking back my new pair of Gucci’s as punishment.
-K
Ed note: twenty years ago we got it at the gas station. Things may have changed since then.
Calendar
Around Town
- Today 12/2
- 🥂 This week's complimentary bubbly (Nouba at The Square)
- 🏖 Put a skate park at the Beach Park (Beach Park)
- Saturday 12/4
- ☃️ Lou's Dogs live! (Paradise Park)
- 💸 Buy junk, support the church (St Agnes)
- Sunday 12/5
- ❄️ Winterfest (Paradise Park)
- Friday 12/10
- 🎹 Last one was canceled, so here's another (Pools o' Monaco)
- Saturday 12/11
- ⛵️ Boats on a parade (No Name Harbor / KBYC)
Last week's sales
| Location | SQFT | Rooms | Prev | Price |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 621 N Mashta | 3202 | 4/5 | '04 $4.1m | 8.025m |
| CC East 1210 | 1260 | 2/2 | '01 $425k | $1.175m |
| OC CT III 805 | 2100 | 2/3 | '15 $2m | $2.425m |
| Oceana 601S | 3791 | 4/6.5 | '14 $5.32m | $10m |
| Pyramids 604 | 1730 | 3/2.5 | '04 $553k | $995k |
| 201 Galen 311W | 1200 | 2/2 | '19 $350k | $510k |
| CC West 1204 | 1260 | 2/2 | '76 $95k | $989k |
| Ambassador 704 | 1311 | 2/2 | '82 $110k | $565k |
| Cape FL Club 401 | 1330 | 2/2 | '94 $96k | $480k |
| 300 Glenridge | 1919 | 5/3 | '04 $863k | $2.2m |
Traffic clairevoyance
Given that it’s Miami Art Week and given that there’s a few events on the island this weekend, we’re going to guess that the traffic will get messy at some point this weekend, especially if it’s a nice day out on Saturday or Sunday. Make sure you check those maps before you make any hasty moves. 🚦
FIN
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